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Good morning, we hope you are well rested
and ready for the third day of our tour. I am Igor, your tour guide.
I see the majority of our guests were able to join us again today.
My condolences to the families of those who left us during the night. |
| Welcome to our 3rd exhibit hall. Those
of you who wish to use the facilities, please note their location outside,
to the left, over the moat (please do not feed the moat monster).
Our first exhibit this morning is a test of your
evaluative skills. Here we see the sight that presented itself to my
master when he decapitated..er..removed...the head from this poor engine.
Please make close inspection of the unusual valve markings on the piston. |
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| Yes, as you can see, this engine was
obviously possessed by the same demons which inhabited the body of that poor
girl in The Exorcist - the piston was obviously spinning about in the
cylinder just as her head spun about on her body. That was my first
thought also. However, my master soon showed me the error of my ways.
Grabbing me by the neck, he forced me to make a closer
inspection of the piston. After I regained consciousness, I agreed
that these unusual markings meant not that this engine was possessed of a
demon, but that the demon riding the machine had revved the living daylights
out of it, causing the small end of the rod to break, and allowing the
piston to rotate 45 degrees where it then made high-speed contact with the
valves. |
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| Removal of the cylinder showed this to be
true. Note that the lower half of the piston, including the pin boss
and ring groove areas, has completely disappeared. Part of the oil
ring can be seen here, the rest is somewhere down in the bowels of the
engine. |
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| Our view of the crankshaft and lower end is
also illuminating. The piston pin is still intact and attached to the
rod. Note that another section of the oil ring set can be viewed in
its final resting place, twisted around the crankshaft. |
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| My master says every engine has a story to
tell. The trick is to learn how to read its language.
Thousands of engines are needlessly killed every day
because the mechanic and/or owner did not know how to properly read the
signs the engine was giving them.
Many times parts are replaced without a thought being
given to why the part failed in the first place. Finding the cause of
a problem is the first step in solving it. Without the ability to read
an engine and evaluate it properly, a person is not a mechanic, but simply a
'parts replacer' who blindly throws expensive components at an engine until
the engine gives up, or the owner runs out of money. |
| My master also taught me that sometimes the
cause of failure is not inside the bike, but the lump sitting on top of it.
Master says "Improper use of an engine will cause failure - failure to use
the clutch, failure to shift at the proper point, failure to listen to the
signs of impending doom...these things will damn a rider to a life of broken
engines, empty wallets, and shattered dreams." |
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| Enough frivolity for one day! Let us
continue with the tour. Our next exhibit shows an
example of too much of a good thing. The master says Yamabond 4 is an
excellent compound for engine assembly and when properly used can help to
keep vital fluids from oozing out of your engine. Master uses this
grey silicone-like substance because it stays flexible, even after years of
high-temperature abuse. However, like any tool in the hands of a fool,
the Yamabond 4 used in this particular engine did more damage than good. |
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| The 'professional' mechanic who assembled
this engine was truly a believer in 'if some is good, lots must be better'.
Utilizing at least 2 tubes of sealant, the mechanic managed to not only seal
the engine from external leaks, but also seal the head from receiving
lubrication, resulting in engine failure after only a short run time. |
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| "...This concludes today's portion of our
tour. You are welcome to spend the night and continue with us
tomorrow.
Ah, I see I have no volunteers to stay the night?
Well, in that case, we hope you enjoyed your time, and we wish you the best
of luck in the future. Please do not panic and crowd the exits.
Panic excites the hounds. There, now you've done it. The hounds
have blocked the passageway again. Well, we have no choice but to
offer you another night's lodging. In return for our continued
hospitality, you will be asked to make a small donation - no, no, it is not
necessary to get out your wallet - opening that vein on your arm is easily
accomplished...
To be Continued... |
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